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EURO ENGLISH
The European Union commissioners have announced that
agreement has been
reached to adopt English as the preferred language for
European
communications, rather than German, which was the other
possibility.
As part of negotiations, Her Majesty Government conceded
that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a
five-year
phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for
short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of
the soft "c".
Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with
joy. Also, the
hard "c" will be replased with
"k". Not only will this klear up
konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond
year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replased by
"f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling
kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes
are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double
letters, which have
always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al
wil agre that the
horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is
disgracful, and they would
go.
By the forth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such
as replasing
"th" by "z" and "w" by
"v".
During ze fifz year ze unesesary "o" kan be
dropd from vords kontaining
"ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to
ozer
kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten
styl. Zer vil be
no mor trobls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand
ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru.